The Dilemma

So, anyway...I'm not really one to do alot of "chatting" in "rooms". As a matter of fact, I would say that I do it pratically never.
But every once in a while I get extremely bored and hop around some of the more interesting rooms to see what's going on. Who's annoying, who's stupid and who seems like a pretty cool person to chat with. Normally, I just encounter the first two.
But one night a few weeks ago I was sitting there and somebody IM'd me out of nowhere. We started "talking" and she seemed like she fit into the "pretty cool" category. Nice.
We talk every once in a while and exchange pics and stuff. I even learned a new word: "huggle-fuck". I like it.
I really enjoy talking with her.
Here's the dilemma: I can never stop questioning if the person I am supposed to be speaking with is actually the person behind the name. It's the curse of the Internet, I suppose. And it's no big fucking deal either way, but the nagging question bugs the living shit out of me.
It should be enough that I believe that it is who it is. But, hey, not only am I "human", but I'm also a bit twisted in the head.
The best compliment I ever got was: "Your friend Nix is pretty cool, but he just may very well be insane." Nice.
So, again, anyway...Really cool chick. I obsess.

Nix says: (I created my own favorite quote) Dreams are hauntings in our heads.

It's Finally Here!!!

I have been waiting for the 28th to come for so long I can't even remember when. Or something.
The new God Lives Underwater disc came out today and I now own it and refuse to take it out of the radio. It rocks.
On top of that today is the official full moon. What more could I ask for?

Nix says: New hotel. New room to trash.

Still Here

And I love it. I never want to leave Texas. The traffic...the morons hanging out in front of the "gas station stores". I can't get enough.
Give me more, please. Thank you, god. You have blessed me.
Ooooo...And please send more humans that will steal things just to be assholes. I would really appreciate that. Thanx.
Suck it.
So, you should all go to the Loaf site. Sorry things didn't work out.

Nix says: Why is Scott such a fucking dick-fuck?

So All Can Enjoy My Pain

I originally posted this on Quill's site, but thought it was important enough to put here, too.

I have to admit...I just stumbled into this whole blog thing. So anything I post on someone else's site may have no relevance or point of reference. It's just 1) it's upsetting to see a group of friends of years going at each other like that. 2) I always feel that if there is something pissing you off about what someone has done to you that you should "talk" to that person. You guys can do what you want. I am the last person who should walk in the room and tell you how to deal with your issues.But from what I know...This group deserves more than public bitching and moaning. You need to come together and actually TALK THINGS OUT. What have you been through together? And how long have you been with eachother?We all have emotions and feelings. The best way to keep them from being hurt is to share them with those that you care for.
Nix says: I guess I have to put this on my blog, too.

News Flash!!!

Hey, I set up a new blog for all things re: the loaf.
www.nightofthelivingloaf.blogspot.com
Nothing is up there as I write these words that I am writing, but there will be, soon.

In other news, I crashed early and am up and getting ready for travel. Listening to God Lives Underwater "Life in the so called Space Age". Their new album comes out on the 28th. I can't fucking wait. Already heard a couple songs off it. Nice.

Nix says: I will never tire of shredding demons.

I Only Eat Meat

Wow. Last night was quite an experience.
Me, Scott, Dave and Steve all sat around and brainstormed ideas for the Meatloaf project.
I had tears in my eyes at one point because I was laughing so hard. We have come up with many amusing ideas that I will now attempt to put together in a logical manner. (And Amanda was there, too. She's a cool fucking chick. Sorry I left you out.)
Wow. My brain just erased everything I meant to say. Fuck.
Anyway, this film should be hilarious and fun to make. I'm ready. Bring on the Meat!!
BTW, we have achieved title.....Ready?
Night of the Living Loaf: Beat the Meat
I like.

Nix says: We'll all probably want to be vegetarians at the end of this.

Little Slice of Death

So, I guess I haven't gotten into my whole film thing, yet.
I spent about 2-3 months working out a plot, scenes, characters, FX and stuff. I found a guy who writes and gave it all to him. I've seen about 3 pages which look great and I'm just waiting to see the completed product.
I took a year of film way back in the day. I created two short films which actually play more like music videos. "I was a Teenage Vending Machine" and "Seasons Eatings".
Teen is about a guy who, well, turns into a vending machine. There's other stuff going on underneath, but it's for the viewer to figure out.
Eatings is about an x-mas tree that attacks a guy. Again, there's alot more to it but you gotta work it out yourself.
I started a longer project with dialogue but it was never completed. I used to shoot on Super-8 film, so I had some footage that was not edited. I found a song that worked perfectly with these unconnected scenes and..tadaaaa...another freakin' video.
Before my most recent project, I spent many months working on a story that would primarily take place at the Glass Factory in Valley Park. It was a beautiful abandoned factory from the 1800's I think. The woods had grown around it and it was nothing but stone ruins. Unfortunately, by the time I was ready to move forward some sick perverted fuck raped and killed a young girl there. So the Army Corps Engineers or whatever tore it the fuck down. All that work for nothing. But it is still possible to do it. Or I could use the test footage I shot down there in another flick. Who knows.
So, that's my deal. I wanna entertain.

Nix says: I didn't do it. Don't look at me.

The Mystery of Pwackles

I'm doin' this one for Hizz (hope she doesn't mind the abbreviation).
I used to live in Maplewood (or Maplehood). Sometimes later at night I would get a craving for a tarantula (meaning a McDonald's burger). I would drive to the food shop and (attempt to) utilize their "convenient" "drive-thru". Most often I would sit and sit as the car at the window never moved but the driver seemed to have a most wonderful conversation with the female (it was always a female, somehow) employee. Eventually, I would here from the speaker: "Itd be quicker if ya come inside to order". Fuck that. How in the hell do you justify even having a stupid drive-thru if it's quicker to go inside? Aggghhh!!! I always left when that happened. But that's just a story that has little to do with the legendary majesty of "pwackles".
On those instances when I was actually allowed to order, I would always order my tarantulas without pickles (so that they would hopefully be more fresh, as if that makes a difference. See, I have no disinclination towards the consumption of pickled cucumbers. I actually purchased a jar of them this weekend for snacking purposes. I'm just picky about the age of my arachnid.)
Ready? Here is the big reveal: The re-cap coming from the speaker was always pronounced as such: "Dats a Big Mac wit no pwackles?"
Mystery solved.

Nix says: I know it was pointless, but I had a hell of a great time writing it.

Counting Down

Just hours to go until we get to come home. Not sure if I wanna, but my paycheck will be there.
Saw a new flick last night. King of the Ants. Directed by Stuart Gordon of Re-Animator fame. It kicked ass. Very suprised.
Just a quick one, here. Going back to chop the chicken and feed the group of losers we got tonight. Eat up, bitch.

Nix says: Pwackles are juicy.

Life in Hell

Well, hey, me and Scott made it here in one piece. 10 hours in a mini-van would usually make 2 people hate each other, but we survived very well. I had a laughing fit so ferocious that I actually had a tear in my eye. We are both nutty goofballs, so we get along well. He's still crashed at..hmmm....2:30. The hotel we're at is really nice. An actual closet with doors and a mini-fridge! Don't see a pool, though. Oh, well. So, that's about it. Our first show is tonight at 7, so everybody hope for us to do well.

Nix says: Next time he'll be standing on a box or lying on the couch, yelling at us. Brilliant!

Everything's coming up Texas

Oh, God. What a horrible nightmare.
I gotta, gotta, gotta pack.
Things have been a bit strange, lately. I've spent an evening with Phil, the brother of one of my ex's. And I even talked with the ex.
Hey, I hold grudges like anyone, but I'm quick to "forgive and forget". Although the forgetting part doesn't go that well.
There are still some people that fit this scenario:
"Once I get my rocket-launcher I'm gonna lock and load and watch the fireworks."

Nix says: Yeah. I'm a violent pacifist.

A good day to...

...go to the dentist. Again.
I can't wait. I'm preparing myself, now. Got my CD player, headphones, batteries. Ready to have a fucking great time. First thing they do is gas me. If they don't, I'd claw their eyes out.
So, we'll see what happens and how I feel when I get back.
Need to start packing for that hellhole called Texas.

Nix says: Pretty.

Tips on being haunted by precognition

Look, I don't claim to be psychic or anything. But I've been plagued by dreams that come true since I was very young.
The thing is, they're always totally pointless events.
Now, some will say "That's just deja-vu", but I know better.
I did a lot of research when I was about 15 and learned this:
Dreams that come true represent "precognition"
Thinking you've been or done something before is "deja-vu"
The problem I have with this (some call it "gift"), is that after one comes true, either something bad or good happens.
I never know. I can only wait.
It drives me nuts.
When I know I'm walking right into one I try to redirect but it only follows what the dream was in the first place.
Truly, I don't need this. If something bad (or good) is going to happen to me, I'd rather be totally suprised, thank you.

Nix says: Get out of my sock drawer! I keep my socks in there, for shits' sake!

Can't get out of my head

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I know I shouldn't obsess (that word is spelled correctly, but it just looks wrong), but I can't stop it.
I hope Scott doesn't mind, but I'm stealing his idea for the "song of the day" I'm gonna come up with a different way of introduction, but still, I know I'm blatantly ripping him off. So...dude....if it bothers you, you can go to hell and die! Look at me! I went to hell. I died. You can do it, too! Or you could let me know.
In other news: I have no idea why I am up so early. I like to sleep until 12 or 1 or 2. Less time having to deal with the damn sun. It kills my retinas. Now I have to find something to do. Kazaa takes forever to get music and it's so freakin hard to find what I want. This is why I must kill people. I'm almost done with my book and.....agggghhhh!!!!
Nevermind. Perhaps I'll just furiously masturbate into a dolphins' blow-hole multiple times. Or not.

Nix says: Did I ask you to fucking die or not?

Let music be your guide...

I've been very eclectic in my musical choices, lately.
I really dig Vast, but I've been listening to a lot of aggressive shit, too.
No.
I will not walk into a precognition.
I'm freaked, now.
I thought I could dodge the precog, but I still stumbled into it...
so...music....
Fuck it. What's going to happen to me, now?
Good/bad/mix?
I wait.
Shit.

Nix says: It was only a fucking dream, for fucks' sake. So fucking fuck it, you fucking fuck.

Just happy to be here

Soooooo.....anyway.....
Sunday was a total waste. Enuff said.
And today was a trip, too. I spent..hmmm...let's see...about 5 hours waiting for my check.
MC TunsOfun says: skipidee doopidee dahhhh
And stuff.
Had an emotional moment or two when I had time alone. Just trying to come to grips.... Ok here's what triggered my shit....
Two very old people (a couple) pulled up to the park and walked their dog. All I could think was that I would never have that. (No, not a dog shitting when I tell it to)
I feel as if I will spend the rest of my life alone. I will grow old (if possible) and die alone.
And it made me feel really fucking depressed/angry and...Yup, you guessed it...alone.
I realize most anyone reading this has no clue what in the holy fucking goddamn hell I'm babbling about, but, then again, you do.
*whew*
BUT ANYWAY,
I guess I'm finally using this blog for what it's for.
That's right..."Bitching, Moaning and Whining.

Nix says: Agg!! Put it down!! Put it the fuck down!!!

This is today, soon to be tomorrow.

So, hey....Here we go getting into my day to day bullshit.
Not much happened today. Yeah, I had work. We did 2 shows (sorta). Only one couple showed up for the second one, so that was pointless. I'm hoping we really start getting better leads so Scott (my work partner) can GET FUCKING PAID!!
Sorry...I hope to ( and I know this sounds weird) be in the same boat by next year.
Anyway...I watched a bad movie tonight. The Bunker. It was filmed well and the acting was good but, Jesus, it was so damn boring.
And Blockbuster is so damn stupid that they slapped a "Parental Advisory" sticker on it. Are you fucking kidding me? There was more blood in Dragonheart than this thing.
I hate Ballbuster with a passion. Always have because of their "No unrated or NC-17" stance. Ohhhh, but Evil Dead I and II are ok (since they are top renters in any market) but let's only carry the R version of Dead/Alive. Aggghhh!!!! If you call yourself a "family" store you should provide product for the whole freakin' family. Not just the damn kids.
I have now stepped down from my soapbox. Sorry.

Nix says: Slowly back away from the chinchilla.

The White Wolf

Who or what is the "White Wolf"?
She came to me in a dream. Asking me to follow but always staying just out of reach.
She is the only one that I dream of.
I finally met her outside of the dream.
She was everything the unreality promised.
Now I search the forest for distractions.
Because my dream came true.
Everything is now illusion.
And I live believing she's cruel.

Nix says: I didn't want it to come out that way.

End Game

So, in a ridiculous amount of time I've blown through 29 years.
Nice.
So here's me, now.
I travel the country to sell things to people.
I'm always gone and rarely go out to do "stuff".
Currently, I've got a film project that is in the script-writing stage.
I am a very single guy. And not particularly looking, either.
I'm really into horror flicks. I have so much useless knowledge stored in my cranium that I can't even believe it. But I can't remember anyone's birthdays for shit.
Wolves are the most beautiful creatures on earth. That would explain why I have 2 tatoos of them on my person and am looking at getting a new one before the year is up. I don't just run out and have them slap one on...they have to mean something to me. And now is definitely the time. Again, we'll get into that later.
I'm trying not to go into too much detail right now, so I'll have stuff to say later instead of just lunatic rambling stuff.
Nix says: Chum Bucket is a great name for a band.

Middle

Last time it wouldn't post it, so here we go, again.
I've nearly married twice. And escaped in one piece.
No, seriously, they turned into someone else, if that makes sense.
I've been all over the place to find some kind of purpose or fulfillment:
St. Louis/ California/ Canada
Now, most people look at that list and say, "Dude, you were in Cali! Why in the hell are you back in the 'Lou?"
*sigh* Here's where I probably get into tricky territory so let me make my disclaimer right now: "This site is intended for ME to vent and try to make sense of the chaos that surrounds me. It is merely a record of how I feel at a particular time. If you are somehow involved with me or have been in the past, it is very likely that I will be discussing you in the future. Relax, you're reading my diary. Think of it like you found the key and are peeking into my secrets."
So, anyway, I came back for a girl.
Yeah, go ahead and slap me. I know I'm a moron.
But we'll get into that another time.
Now, we'll see if I can get this thing to post.

Nix says: Losers are users and Users are losers, so don't do drugs. Don't do drugs! Help take a bite out of crime. (Ok, so actually McGruff the Crime Dog says that. So sue me.)

Beginning

So, I was born on October 26, 1974. That makes me 30 this October. Yay.
My parents were Robert and Lorna Whitney. Lafayette, LA gave me birth and my nickname. I am a "T-Bob". It's Cajun for "little Bob" or "Robert Jr." I didn't stay there for long. Illinois raised me. So, yes, I'm a hick. A farm boy.
Anyway...let me speed this up.
My father died when I was 13.
We sold the farm and moved to Missouri.
Me, my mom and my sister.
God, I sound so stupid when I try to talk about me.
That's my beginnings, though.
Now I shall try to describe me.

Nix says: If only you would die.

Ok....

I've been thinking about it, and maybe I'll go ahead and do this whole blog thing.
Why not? I've got nothing better to do.

Nix says: It's only water. Just drink it.

What the hell?

I just wanted to post a reply and now I'm saddled with a freakin' "blog"!
Why has God cursed me so?