Monday, May 22, 2006

Ash Says: "I'm fine."

If you're someone just browsing or not a "Juicer", you prolly wanna just scroll down to the previous entry. This is something you wouldn't understand. But thanks for visiting.

Ok, now that it's just us "friends", I'd like to take this space to say: "I'm fucking pissed."

I can't believe some people. At the first little thing that irks them, they immediately go back to talking shit about someone and thinking they're an asshole. I'm sorry, I meant "dick". WTF?

And some people can't even be there for someone when they're upset and down. It's all "Quit bitching, you have nothing to whine about. You need to just stop this, do that. It's all your fault, anyway." Well, thanks. That makes me feel better as I'm holding this knife over my arm and considering how a slice of pain could make me forget, for just a moment, that my head is going to explode.

"Friend:

A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group

Word History: A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amcus “friend” and am “I love” is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos “friend” and phile “I love.” "

My definition of friend is a little more than that. It's somebody who listens when another is in need. Somebody who gives support and can set aside their current issues to help someone who needs a shoulder to cry on or just to empty their hearts to lift the weight of what is bringing them down. Somebody who appreciates things said or done for or about them in the past and doesn't throw them away at the DROP OF A FUCKING HAT! *ahem* Sorry. Just typing all of that made me realize how seriously fuming I am, at this moment.

But you know, as angry as I am, if someone I was upset with called me and was hurting, I would set that aside and listen and try to comfort them. I've done it for "friends" before.

So, I kinda think this song fits the current situation:

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
Or walk as far as they need to recover?
For how long?

I want to carry a piece of who I was before
So when I hit the wall, I really hit the wall
I want to tear away the death again
A whiter shade of fucking meth again
I want to stick to clues, I want to come unglued
I want to shape the world to fit the way you move
Or should I listen for a dress size?

I owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me?
I showed up and so what if I'm the used to be
I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry
But I'm happy that you're happy
This is no longer about me

Trade roles, switch sides for your beautiful lies
Let 'em be there through your beautiful cries
Let 'em hold you up so you can touch affordable skies
Live your life just like a dream
Without the pain of goodbyes
Goodbye!

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
Or walk as far as they need to recover?
For how long?

I've been a drunk disrespectful little street punk
Unlock the back of my trunk
You see, you take this bat
And bash my head into the street again
No-ones around so I keep beating it

I pull my hair back, look me in the eye
There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy
It's the guilt of what reality has given me
Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity

And when you're sick you seem to think
You've failed eternally
And that the people you let in are only crumbling
I'm fucking sick of faking life in this recovery
When my decision paved the road
That lies in front of me

So to the friends that even call but I don't call back
I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill
It seems to hide sometimes I run away and wonder
I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will

Ever carried the weight of another? (When they needed you)
For how long? (Where were you?)
Or walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

But are we scared to take the ride?
Or dare to look inside?
I'm floating far away (far away)
I'm floating far away
I'm floating far away (so far away)
Leaving home
I'm floating far away

I want to learn to walk with others as an equal
I want to treat the ones who love me with respect
I want to tell them all I'll give them all a piggyback
And try to take away my negative effect
I want to kiss a girl, I know I'll never lie again
I want to call my dad and tell him that I care
I want to let my momma know
He saved my life a thousand times
Throughout the years he's been my friend
Who's always there

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?

Blue October -Overweight-

You need to hear it to know how moving it actually is.

So, I go, now. If we just take the time to be there for others, they can be there for us. But I guess some just don't need anyone, at all, because they're "fine".

Nix says: Oh, and "ow ow stop", btw.

Obey The Hoff!

Did you hear they're planning a Knight Rider movie? I'm pretty sure the Hoff won't be starring, but it could be a half-way ok movie, if done right.

Anyway... Sales were shit in Columbia. I've never seen so many not having a job motherfuckers.

I've also never had so many groups that were fucking zombies and unresponsive. I wanted to strangle them. ( @ Spawn: I had to use the goddamn "dancing bear" line, for god's sake.)

I think a lot of it has to do with the current line-up we have making the calls for us. I even had one girl actually TELL me that. Bah!

No update at the Tomb. Anubis was too hung-over to get his done and I had technical problems, so there was nothing to post up.

However, I have written one of my most *ahem* bizarre editorials, so far. Look for that on Wednesday, dammit.

Also, TombofAnubis.com is now officially fucking up the MySpace world with our own.. umm... space.

Join all the hot bitches (seriously) at http://www.myspace.com/tombofanubisdotcom

I go back to seepy, now.

Nix says: You poop, therefore you are poop. Ooooooooooooooooo!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

So Scared

Congratulations -Blue October-


Is that seat taken
Congratulations
Would you like to take a walk with me

My mind it kind of goes fast
I try to slow it down for you
I think i'd love to take a drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me..
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me..

I came to see the light in my best friend
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. him.

My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say i'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I have wanted to give to you for years
My heart

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me..
My heart
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me..

I can't change this
I can never take it back
But now I can't change your mind
(You left me)
And I can't take this
I can never take this back
But now I can't change your mind
can't change your mind
(You left me)
Can't change you mind
(You left me)
(You left me)
(You left me)
(You left me)

Go away
Make it go away
Please.

Nix says: So fucking scared.

I Know.

Nix says: That is all.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Now That Every Emo Kid Is On This

Hate Me -Blue October-

Mother: Hi Justin! This is your mother it is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya. Take care honey, I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so i don't loose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted this

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinoins on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you


(Verse 3)
And when the sad hard eyes say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I found out I can't make it go away, just make it stop
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How could you did this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you, for you, for you, for you...

I Dunno Why

1% (The Long Way Down)

For once I wasn't hanging over
The cliffs on which I normally awoke
And then you thought you'd make me stronger
By pointing out the long way down
The long way down
I've been thrown
I'm looking up
But all I can head is down
All I can head is down
I've been thrown
I'm reaching out
But all I can head is down
All I can head is down
To one percent
It tries so hard to flip me back over
Stranded once again on my shell
Left me to my weak defenses
Then told me of the long way down
The long way down
I've been thrown
I'm looking up
But all I can head is down
All I can head is down
I've been thrown
I'm reaching out
But all I can head is down
All I can head is down
To one percent
I've been thrown
I'm looking up
But all I can head is down
All I can head is down
I've been thrown
I'm reaching out
But all I can head is down
All I can head is down
To one percent

New And Improved

As opposed to "old and inferior".

Brand new corpses loaded into tombofanubis.com !!!

I put up a lengthy diatribe about a little piece of craziness called, appropriately enough, "Bizarre". All I can say is: Titties.

Go now and see exclusive pics of half-naked bitches!

And my brothers in bad movies have some new stuff, as well.

Nix says: Don't forget to catch up with Duke Lacrosse at www.delorumrex1.blogspot.com

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Thank You

I turn to someone when I'm in a bad mental state and I get a lecture.

Thanks.

How often do I just IM you out of the blue? That's right. Fucking never.

I needed someone to talk to. And just like before, you can only think of yourself.

Yeah. I got a great job. I love my fucking job. But it's stressful. Not a garaunteed source of income.

But it wasn't even about that. I WAS FUCKING LONELY AND DEPRESSED. And I looked to you for help. And you shit on me. Thank you.

Nix says: Fuck your mom and your couch and you.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Most Importantly

Wasted -Stabbing Westward-

I've spent
My life
Running from the emptiness
That haunts me
And I've felt
My whole life
Trying to fuck
The loneliness away
And I die
Inside
When I think of all the people
I have damaged
And I'm tired
I'm so tired
And there's no one else
Except myself to blame
My life's been wasted
Everything is gone
My life's been wasted
And I am all alone
My life's been wasted
There is no one else
My life's been wasted
It's time I face myself
I've spent
My life
Trapped inside
A cycle of self destruction
And I've spent
My whole life
Trying to numb
The pain inside my soul
And furious
I cry
When I realized
I fought this war with no one
I'm tired
I'm so fucking tired
Gotta find a way
To keep myself alive
When I reach the end
Will anything I've done
Mean anything?
Will anything I've done mean anything?

I Suck

Don't Follow -Alice In Chains-

Hey, I ain’t never coming
Home
Hey, I’ll just wander my
Own road
Hey, I can’t meet you here tomorrow
Say goodbye don’t follow
Misery so hollow

Hey you, you’re livin’
Life full throttle
Hey you, pass me down that
Bottle, yeah
Hey you, you can’t shake
Me round now
I get so lost and don’t
Know how
And it hurts to care, i’m
Going down

Forgot my woman, lost my
Friends
Things I’d done and where
I’ve been
Sleep in sweat the mirrors
Cold
See my face it’s growin’
Old
Scared to death no reason
Why
Do whatever to get me by
Think about the things i
Said
Read the page it’s cold
And dead

Take me home

Say goodbye. Don't follow.

Nix says: Best album they made.

TombofAnubis.com Bitches!

I have no idea who this is, but it looks like they know me. Here's the latest comment from the site:

"subject: Review Feedback - Within the Woods
>
>Reviewer = GOOD!
>Review = KICK ASS!
>Comments = I know that Nix(psycho) is a one of a kind genius! The emotion
Nix(wants to kill people) puts into every breath he takes is enlightening.
Nix(obviously ADD) is a pleasure to know.
>Rock on Nix(you should be in an insane asylum)!!!!!!!!"

Like I said: Looks like they know me.

Nix says: TombofAnubis.com Look for my next epic and "bizarre" review Sunday.

And You Know Who You Are

A Little Piece -Dave Gahan-

All alone and bitter
All alone and mad
All alone with someone
And I should be so glad

All alone and twisted
All alone and bad
Won't you come and fix it
I really feel quite sad

A little piece of you
A little piece of me
A little piece of God
Is what you gave to me

And all my wishes
Have come true
I know without a doubt
When I look at you

When I trust in you
If you can trust in me
Maybe someday
We can all be free

Nothing To Report

Miss You More Than Anything -God Lives Underwater-


I've been trying my hardest but it's not good enough
I'm back where I started when life was tough on me
There's only so much you can do when it's started
Pull away pull away just pull away
You can try to no avail to discard it
Go away go away just go away just go away

Solved all of my problems for everyone but me
How is that a solution or recovery
There's only so much you can do when it's started
Pull away pull away just pull away
You can try to no avail to discard it
Go away go away just go away just go away just go away
I've done it again
Let down my closest friend at least you used to be
Until I pushed you away
You'll never understand and I'll never understand
How I could do these things
When I miss you more than anything

I stopped my ill behavior
And I'm up off the floor
It didn't stop the pain
It cleared the way for more, much more
There's only so much you can do when it's started
Pull away pull away just pull away
You can try to no avail to discard it
Go away go away just go away just go away
I've done it again
Let down my closest friend at least you used to be
Until I pushed you all away from me
You'll never understand I don't understand
How I could do these things
When I miss you more than anything
I've done it again
Let down my closest friend at least you used to be
Until I pushed you far away from me
You'll never understand cause I'll never understand
How I could do these things
When I miss you more than anything

Nix says: Sorry to anyone this may apply to.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Vast Kicks Ass

Sorry, just rockin' out.

So, there are new updates at www.tombofanubis.com

I put up one for Within the Woods, the short that Raimi and friends made to get some cash for Evil Dead. And I even sent the link to Ellen Sandwiess, since it involves her, quite a bit.

I've gotten more feedback and it always seems to be from females. I guess girls are just more expressive than guys.

Hell, I know most of my guy friends haven't even gone to the fucking site. Thanks, guys!

But that's okay. 'Cuz we've gotten massive hits without your help. And T-shirts are on the way, as well.

But visit the site, you fuckers: www.tombofanubis.com

And don't forget to fuck your mom.

Nix says: I'm gonna get Beaver's mom, though.