Ash Says: "I'm fine."

If you're someone just browsing or not a "Juicer", you prolly wanna just scroll down to the previous entry. This is something you wouldn't understand. But thanks for visiting.

Ok, now that it's just us "friends", I'd like to take this space to say: "I'm fucking pissed."

I can't believe some people. At the first little thing that irks them, they immediately go back to talking shit about someone and thinking they're an asshole. I'm sorry, I meant "dick". WTF?

And some people can't even be there for someone when they're upset and down. It's all "Quit bitching, you have nothing to whine about. You need to just stop this, do that. It's all your fault, anyway." Well, thanks. That makes me feel better as I'm holding this knife over my arm and considering how a slice of pain could make me forget, for just a moment, that my head is going to explode.

"Friend:

A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group

Word History: A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amcus “friend” and am “I love” is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos “friend” and phile “I love.” "

My definition of friend is a little more than that. It's somebody who listens when another is in need. Somebody who gives support and can set aside their current issues to help someone who needs a shoulder to cry on or just to empty their hearts to lift the weight of what is bringing them down. Somebody who appreciates things said or done for or about them in the past and doesn't throw them away at the DROP OF A FUCKING HAT! *ahem* Sorry. Just typing all of that made me realize how seriously fuming I am, at this moment.

But you know, as angry as I am, if someone I was upset with called me and was hurting, I would set that aside and listen and try to comfort them. I've done it for "friends" before.

So, I kinda think this song fits the current situation:

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
Or walk as far as they need to recover?
For how long?

I want to carry a piece of who I was before
So when I hit the wall, I really hit the wall
I want to tear away the death again
A whiter shade of fucking meth again
I want to stick to clues, I want to come unglued
I want to shape the world to fit the way you move
Or should I listen for a dress size?

I owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me?
I showed up and so what if I'm the used to be
I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry
But I'm happy that you're happy
This is no longer about me

Trade roles, switch sides for your beautiful lies
Let 'em be there through your beautiful cries
Let 'em hold you up so you can touch affordable skies
Live your life just like a dream
Without the pain of goodbyes
Goodbye!

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
Or walk as far as they need to recover?
For how long?

I've been a drunk disrespectful little street punk
Unlock the back of my trunk
You see, you take this bat
And bash my head into the street again
No-ones around so I keep beating it

I pull my hair back, look me in the eye
There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy
It's the guilt of what reality has given me
Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity

And when you're sick you seem to think
You've failed eternally
And that the people you let in are only crumbling
I'm fucking sick of faking life in this recovery
When my decision paved the road
That lies in front of me

So to the friends that even call but I don't call back
I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill
It seems to hide sometimes I run away and wonder
I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will

Ever carried the weight of another? (When they needed you)
For how long? (Where were you?)
Or walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

But are we scared to take the ride?
Or dare to look inside?
I'm floating far away (far away)
I'm floating far away
I'm floating far away (so far away)
Leaving home
I'm floating far away

I want to learn to walk with others as an equal
I want to treat the ones who love me with respect
I want to tell them all I'll give them all a piggyback
And try to take away my negative effect
I want to kiss a girl, I know I'll never lie again
I want to call my dad and tell him that I care
I want to let my momma know
He saved my life a thousand times
Throughout the years he's been my friend
Who's always there

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?

Blue October -Overweight-

You need to hear it to know how moving it actually is.

So, I go, now. If we just take the time to be there for others, they can be there for us. But I guess some just don't need anyone, at all, because they're "fine".

Nix says: Oh, and "ow ow stop", btw.