Confessions of a Sober Mind

Ok.
So, I'm not as sober as I have been for the past week. I wanted to put this down before I medicate myself again.

There are more than one of me.

Most know the somewhat carefree, goofy, smart-ass Nix, who has a love of the dark and evil.

Lately, one of the other Nix' has been showing up.

I want this fucker out of my head.

He wants to jump on top of a table or whatever is nearby. Yell and start smashing glass and faces.

He wants to rip eyes from sockets.

He hates living. He hates the human shit he is surrounded by. He hates women. He hates the idea of love. He hates who the fuck ever "God" is. He hates himself. He hates to hate, but that is all he knows. He wants to fucking die and he wants the world to die with him.

Keeping him inside is no easy task.

On the outside, I can smile and laugh. On the inside, my skull is ready to split and he will come spewing out.

He's not the only one trapped in there. He's just the strongest that I fight with most often.

Am I crazy? Fuck, yes.

Am I dangerous? No.

Not so far.

These past couple of months have been very trying, however.

My head hurts.

Distractions are very important to me. My movies. My filmmaking. My music. My writing.

My travel for work helps very much.

Don't get me wrong. All my friends and family I care for very much. The chaos that surrounds me used to be a comfort. But I think that was me #2 or 1 or 4 or which the fuck ever one is responsible for that feeling.

I've separated and finally the conflict is coming.

I JUST WANT HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

Nix says: Who is saying what?