Towel Paper Towel

The above title brought to you by Mr. Tommy Inthavongsa.

I have officially been mostly awake for over 18 hours. I'm starting to see tracers and shit. Free acid trip. Yay.

*Sigh*

You had to know I was gonna talk about father's day.

But before we go into that, I have to tell all of you about the fantastic hair-cut I got at Suzy Kwan's place. Suzy was on vacation, so I had a possibly homosexual male in a Hawaiin shirt. He spoke english. I could actually explain what I wanted done, instead of making loud exclamations and using vague hand gestures. Sorry Suzy. Thanks possible gay hair-dresser, who we shall call....ah, Fred. Thanks, Fred. (Think B-52's)

So there was a light-hearted rant.

So I went to talk with my father, today. It's been awhile since I've gone to talk to him. It was funny telling him all about the film we're working on, since it's based on all the films he never understood why I was obsessed with. I told him how I remembered the time he went to Radio Shack (back in the day, there was no Blockbuster) and rented Moscow on the Hudson. I'd already seen it and wanted something bloody. My mom drove me into town to exchange it, and I cried on the way. I felt like I had really hurt my dad and made him feel like I didn't love him. My mom just kinda laughed and smiled at me and assured me that he knew how much I loved him. I'm sure they both discussed and giggled about it that night. But I always think back to that day and it helps me realize just how much he loved me and I loved him. Looking at that grave with his name/my name makes me want to do something to make him proud.

Fuck. I'm rambling. Pardon me while I go to obvious mode:

Just respect your parents. They may be annoying and pressure you or they may not even try. But that's the only set you'll ever have. Once they're gone, you'll never be able to have that type of love, again. And there's nothing like that in the world.

Fuck. I need to call my mom. Shit. She's in Australia. Dammit.

One thing I'm starting to realize is that I can't let go of her...the...M-word. God, just please let me not think of Mikki for one fucking day. That's my main problem.

BTW, Did you know I had to teach myself to shave my face and I still suck at it? Did you know that I just can't seem to let go of her? Did you know that I hate myself for that? Did you know that I wish I could change the past?

I spent some time thinking about what I really want. Need.

And I have no fucking clue, anymore. I'm just gonna exist. At least I have hobbies and shit to keep me occupied, while I patiently wait for someone to fill the role of "soul mate"/"white wolf".

I suppose that's enough boring introspective crap for today.

*he stares into the darkness of the sky and dreams of being able to sigh with contentment*

Nix says: Seriously, siblings that don't appreciate what they have should spend just 30 minutes at JB Cemetary on Father's Day. Just watch.