Not So Quietly Going Crazy

Pevely fucking rocked. Steve was a big help and I'm glad he stepped up to the challenge. (the challenge of waking up early)

We found many props for the Loaf and I picked up one for my later project, as well. We got fucking lost on the way there (Thanks Hizz !) but it was hilarious and we got to pretend to be all pissed off and laugh at the situation.

I also purchased a cheap laptop. It's got wireless and M Word, so I am happy. Now I can work on the Loaf when I'm on the road. (I think I need the drivers, so Joe or Scott....Can you hook a crazy fucker up?)

Also grabbed a video cam. This is for behind the scenes type of shit and our documentary stuff, too.

@All.....

This is the worst time to know me. I am drowning in a pool self-reflection, depression and anger.

I can't even go to see my own mother, right now. I don't want her to see me like this. She worries about me all the time, as it is.

It all comes out as bizarre behaviour. I'm dealing with many things that have been with me for many years.

If I have offended you or made you be concerned for my well-being, I sincerely apologize. Probably all of you have never really seen this happen and had to witness the mental breakdown.

I've spent this day trying to get anyone on the phone to talk to me. Everyone is doing what I should be doing. Visiting family.

I feel very alone, even when I am surrounded by humans. And I know this all looks very strange to those around me. I really am sorry.

I'm floundering about, looking for something to balance me out.

I'll be back, soon. Please don't think it will always be like this.

Nix says: I love you all.