Only Able To Love When I'm Not Afraid To Live
But I sure am able to be afraid to die.
Or am I?
I can never decide if I embrace the dark and comforting nothingness of death or if I want to run and fight for life.
I'm sure much of it comes from the fact that I'm still thrashing my head about in search of someone or something that gives me a reason to continue being me.
So far, there hasn't been one person that can REALLY take me for me and understand and deal/cope with what I represent. (well, we won't get into that, since it has been proven wrong)
And even if I did find that one special person...I would run and hide. Or I would be a dick.
Why? Because even in attempts at not-too-serious interactions I have been pushed away. I'm "creepy". My friends got involved (ooo...that's my fault? What the fuck ever.) When I try to make fun of dance moves (the lawn sprinkler, the lawn mower, etc...) The bitch thought I WAS FUCKING TRYING TO IMPRESS HER WITH MY DANCING PROWESS.!!! Aggghhhh!!!!
So. My shields are up. My armor is strapped on. And all you fucking bitches can fuck off. I'm going back where it is safe. Inside myself.
Nix says: I can't believe your contradictory bullshit. Look at what is in front of you.
Or am I?
I can never decide if I embrace the dark and comforting nothingness of death or if I want to run and fight for life.
I'm sure much of it comes from the fact that I'm still thrashing my head about in search of someone or something that gives me a reason to continue being me.
So far, there hasn't been one person that can REALLY take me for me and understand and deal/cope with what I represent. (well, we won't get into that, since it has been proven wrong)
And even if I did find that one special person...I would run and hide. Or I would be a dick.
Why? Because even in attempts at not-too-serious interactions I have been pushed away. I'm "creepy". My friends got involved (ooo...that's my fault? What the fuck ever.) When I try to make fun of dance moves (the lawn sprinkler, the lawn mower, etc...) The bitch thought I WAS FUCKING TRYING TO IMPRESS HER WITH MY DANCING PROWESS.!!! Aggghhhh!!!!
So. My shields are up. My armor is strapped on. And all you fucking bitches can fuck off. I'm going back where it is safe. Inside myself.
Nix says: I can't believe your contradictory bullshit. Look at what is in front of you.
posted by NixEclips at 2:39 AM
3 Comments:
"So far, there hasn't been one person that can REALLY take me for me and understand and deal/cope with what I represent. (well, we won't get into that, since it has been proven wrong)"
Damn right it's been proven wrong. It's yet another one of your lies you tell yourself to keep your self from getting serious with girls you really like. It's ok to be afraid of being hurt, but there comes a time when you have to look at what you want and push your fears aside. Remember the things you will always regret most are the things you never even tried to do. (and you know what I mean by this!!!!) SO STOP BEING A FUCKING COWARD AND JUST FUCKING GO FIND SOME SMART GIRL WHO ISN'T AFRAID OF THE WEIRD AND INSANE!!!! THEY DO EXIST!!!!
PS: :-D your my favorite crazy person! Just thought you should know (ok, not my most favorite, since that would have to be me... no wait, i don't have an ego like that, I take it back, don't I.... um... Cheese Crackers)
okay.. being a serious depressive myself.. I will share with you the secret to life.. don't care.
Now I am not saying do not care for your fellow human beings or anything like that.. hell I love everyone, other than my wife... i am just saying don't care about most of the crap that drives you nuts now..
okay.. so today it sucks.. your boss sucks, your mom sucks, your wife sucks, the girl whos pants you wanna get in sucks.. but not in the right way.. I mean life in general sucks..
then imagine that you don;t give a shit..
the alternative to life is death.. lets say for argument's sake that death is just that.. death.. nothing.. no conciousness no nuthin.. just the cesation of all chemical eletricl function and the big nada..
how fucking boring is nothing! Try to sit for a day or two in a silent dark room.. and don;t sleep.. just sit.. it sucks more than telling your boss to go fuck hisself and going on with life.. don;t believe me.. try it.. sit int he dark.. with no sound.. no sensation at all.. just dark nothing.. BORING!
Now instead.. go open a blog account on some other service, adn try to get peopel to sen you naked pictures of themselves.. or tell fictional stories about being abducted by aliens that looked like your dad adn played with yor genitals.. adn watch the fireworks..
you will soon find out that you are not depressed.. your just bored.. and fuckign with other people's minds is a whole lot more fun that sitting and fucking with your own.
and better than the long dark room at the end of the cycle.
when life sucks.. whip it out!
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