Just Let Go.
Ready for more pointless shit from the Tomb? It's coming tomor...er..Today! Wednesday is old reviews and new deaditorials day. I'll be spouting off about Raimi and the Evil Dead and the others let you know whatever is infecting their brains, currently.
I've been movie purchasing at a different level than before. I was on a "get what I think will be good" mode and have shifted to "get whatever the fuck sounds like fun" mode. Yeah. I have an excuse to buy shit I might not even like, now.
Other than the website, not much else. Work started off strong but has really fucking started to suck. I think I had my first show where I sold nothing. I guess I needed something to show me I'm not special after that fantastic show I did last time. But I wasn't pompous about it, or anything. Just really fucking happy. Oh, well. I'm here until Sunday and the couples are fucking great, unlike Illinois. They actually have fun, here, in Texas.
.......
Perhaps some of you know that I'm in a bit of a weird space, right now. I'm trying to figure out what I should do for/about someone I really care about. I have a choice that I should probably make and I don't know what to do.
I have someone I feel very strongly for. But it may not even be the person I'm thinking of when I'm conscious. And I recognize this problem. I also recognize the problem that, right now, it may not even matter. I need someone I can never have. And the fucked up thing is that applies to both of the people I love. It's just that one is actually acknowledging that they feel for me, as well, and the other is not.
And then I think about this: We all wanted a certain toy when we were kids. And most of them were pretty cool, when we got them. But there were a few that we used to douse in gasoline or take apart to make severed heads and shit, because they turned out to not be what we thought. Aren't people and relationships the same way? Is it possible that once I get what I think I want that it will turn out to be that shitty Go-Bot that I thought looked so cool?
I'm not a shallow person. And I'm not thinking of only sex, here. I'm really attracted to intelligence and personality and spiritualality. And I have all of that in the person who can admit they feel as strongly as I do.
But I think it really comes down to this: I'm unable to provide what she needs. I can barely provide for myself. So if this were to ever happen, I'd be a pathetic mate. And I'm emotionally scarred. And I'm psychologically warped. And I'd always think she deserved more.
So, I should leave her to fix her life, for those reasons, alone. And not the ones that float on the surface.
Nix says: But I don't want to leave.
I've been movie purchasing at a different level than before. I was on a "get what I think will be good" mode and have shifted to "get whatever the fuck sounds like fun" mode. Yeah. I have an excuse to buy shit I might not even like, now.
Other than the website, not much else. Work started off strong but has really fucking started to suck. I think I had my first show where I sold nothing. I guess I needed something to show me I'm not special after that fantastic show I did last time. But I wasn't pompous about it, or anything. Just really fucking happy. Oh, well. I'm here until Sunday and the couples are fucking great, unlike Illinois. They actually have fun, here, in Texas.
.......
Perhaps some of you know that I'm in a bit of a weird space, right now. I'm trying to figure out what I should do for/about someone I really care about. I have a choice that I should probably make and I don't know what to do.
I have someone I feel very strongly for. But it may not even be the person I'm thinking of when I'm conscious. And I recognize this problem. I also recognize the problem that, right now, it may not even matter. I need someone I can never have. And the fucked up thing is that applies to both of the people I love. It's just that one is actually acknowledging that they feel for me, as well, and the other is not.
And then I think about this: We all wanted a certain toy when we were kids. And most of them were pretty cool, when we got them. But there were a few that we used to douse in gasoline or take apart to make severed heads and shit, because they turned out to not be what we thought. Aren't people and relationships the same way? Is it possible that once I get what I think I want that it will turn out to be that shitty Go-Bot that I thought looked so cool?
I'm not a shallow person. And I'm not thinking of only sex, here. I'm really attracted to intelligence and personality and spiritualality. And I have all of that in the person who can admit they feel as strongly as I do.
But I think it really comes down to this: I'm unable to provide what she needs. I can barely provide for myself. So if this were to ever happen, I'd be a pathetic mate. And I'm emotionally scarred. And I'm psychologically warped. And I'd always think she deserved more.
So, I should leave her to fix her life, for those reasons, alone. And not the ones that float on the surface.
Nix says: But I don't want to leave.
posted by NixEclips at 11:21 PM
3 Comments:
How many times have i told you, sir nix, that it's not what you can provide with a person physically/finacially but what you can provide a person mentally/emotionally. I've known girls who had husbands who could cater to every physical/finacial need they had. They didn't have to work, they didn't have to worry about money, they were taken care of, but they were still completely miserable. The reason they were miserable was because it's alot more than just being taken care of, it's being supported and loved that matters.
From what I've known about you, and gathered... you wear your emotions on your sleeve and mean what you say when you say it. At the same time, you are a very complex individual, like most intelligent people in the world. Sure any relationship you get into, you will bring your emotional baggage, but has it occured to you that EVERYONE over the age 16 has emotional baggage? It's possible that these girls you feel for may have more than you... It's possible that they are willing to take you as you come, and accept that being with you may be challenge. And it's possible that they don't have a clue how much there is, and will not be able to handle it properly. What you may need to do is talk about the things that you hold on to, the past pains with them and find out what they can deal with. Chances are, they've been in a similar spot, or can sympthize with you... You never know.
As for both these girls.... the one who seems to admit her feelings but is still unattianable (if i understood what you said right) may be worried that she is the substitute for the girl who won't admit her feelings (if she knows of the girl who won't admit her feelings)... If she doesn't know about that, she may feel that she is that toy you think you want until you get it home, and then decide you want to tourch it as soon as you get tired of it. Perhaps that's why she isn't moving forward and feels that moving forward is something that should be done causiously. Perhaps she's afraid of moving forward would affect several people and she doesn't want to do it unless she's sure of how she feels and how you feel. Sometimes standing still, helps a person gain perspective. Not everything can last the test of time... No matter what her reasons for being unattainable are, you really ought to talk to her about her reluctance. Find out what she is afaid of, and reveal your own fears. It may work out... or It may not, but you won't know anything if you don't talk to her.
The girl who hasn't admited her feelings or has said that she doesn't share them... (again if i'm understanding it right) Why are you holding on to her? Has she once shared your feelings then shyed away? If that's the case perhaps she feels that she isn't that important to you, and that she can't make you happy. She may feel that she's just the runner up to the other girls you've been with over the years.. or perhaps she's come to realize that you aren't compatable, and is trying to save herself and you any further pain. She may be afraid that if she got in a relationship with you, that she would find out that you aren't what she's looking for, and is afraid of having the "toy" issue on her end. Maybe, she's just moved on with her life, and can be coaxed to be with you... if you said the right things. If she ever had feelings for you, she still might... but you won't know unless you too talk and put all the ghosts of doubt away.
Lol, wow, it looks like i wrote a blog of my own on your blog. Please understand that i can't speak for anyone but myself, and alot of this is just how i might feel if it were me in this situation. (again if i understand the situation right) My point is, your going to have to talk to the girl who doesn't admit/share your feelings before you will be able to move on, get her reasons for why things are the way they are, if anything so you can have closure on that situation. You never know, things in her life might of changed and you two may actually have a shot... But you won't know till you find out, and put everything with her to bed (not litterally). Only after your sure about how you feel about the girl who won't/hasn't admitted her feelings, can you move on with any other girl on the planet. Otherwise they will always be in her shadow and that could damage what could be a compatable lasting relationship.
some food for thought. Sorry for writing a long lecture... lol, i guess i can't help myself sometimes.
*ducks a piece of flying wool*
I see.
Dude, it's a two-pronged battle; heart says one thing, moral compass screams another. You will ultimately make the right call, just make sure it's a call that's going to let you sleep at night.
It's a good idea to bury old feelings before exploring new ones; and by "bury" I mean settle in one way or another. Basically, while Mikki is still unresolved, she'll always haunt you and possibly sour or alter anything you get going in the present; and you know this.
I'm a great believer in doing what you have to do to make yourself happy, provided that it doesn't intentionally hurt someone else. Intentionally is a very strong and tricksy word in this case. Your intentions are not to inflict or induce pain upon anyone; so you needn't worry about that aspect. Go with your heart, but do NOT ignore your conscious in this matter, no matter what you do...
Difficult? Yes, very. Necessary? Yes, very. Listen to the dick. (No, not THAT one. This one.)
BTW - with closure sometimes comes anger and bitterness, although the chance at having that come with it lessens the farther you get from it.
It will be important to find a way to hold that chapter in your life in a fond light without experiencing the longing for it to be that way again, and to separate it from the anger that inevitably intertwines with it all. But it can be done; people do it all the time. You can do it. You should do it, because memories are what we use to be satisfied at the end of our lives; it helps us know we lived.
Live long and prosper, nutjob...you sound like a very LOGICAL individual, whoever you are...by chance to you hail from that one town in Arizona? Damn, what's that city called?...
:D
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