I Hate New York
Yes, yes, it's true. This city fucking sucks. Dirty, claustrophobic, and too many goddamn people.
We're staying at the Hyatt in Manhattan. It's quite impressive in the lobby and outside. We're right above Grand Central station at 42nd street. A Jack and coke cost me $13 at the hotel bar. Needless to say, that was the only drink I had there.
Last night we had our first awards show. As Jeff and I left his room, we were bitching about how shitty the hotel was and as we rounded the corner towards the elevator, Jeff was in the middle of saying this: "This hotel is a piece of shit." There was a flock of grandparenty types standing that turned and stared at us. We all stood in uncomfortable silence as we waited for the elelatah and I suppressed snickers. Finally, I had to say "Oh, wait. I forgot something in the room." So we go back around the corner and we both immediately burst into unctrollable laughter. Good times.
Cocktails were going on before the show and Mr. Jim Martin, the guy on our DVD was talking with our group. I said: "Jim! You're the guy that tells me about the thief in my kitchen!" And TJ hopped in and told him that while we're cutting up the food that I say I think it's Jim Martin. Thanks TJ, you fucker. But it was funny.
So, now I'm in a quandry. I've got two huge trophys and two plaques to somehow get home. I packed light, dammit! And now I have no clue how to get these fuckers back. Let's see what they're for.... Well, Hall of Fame and World League Newcomer plaques. And Newcomer giant-ass trophy and one that, well let me explain.
It's for top recruiter with the name Tony Miller on it. Tony only had one recruit and it was me, so in his speech he said that I was the one that really deserved it and handed it off to me. I talked to some people in the business and they said they'd never seen that happen. Wow. Pretty damn cool.
So, I had to give another fucking speech for my own award for Top Newcomer. While it wasn't as fun as the one I gave at the Masmas party, I got a lot of good feedback.
Today, wasn't as exciting. We started at 10 a.m. and they brought in some douche-bag celebrity chef. Now, I talked to one of the big-head-honcho guys last night and he was telling me that this chef just loved our cookware. Sounded cool. But one of the first fucking things this chef said was: "Well, we don't have an oven, so we'll have to pretend." WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???!!! I count 3 fucking ovens up there. They're called Royal Prestige cookware, you twat. Then he was making some potatoe type thing and when he went back he was all "And nothing has happened, here, so I'll have my assistant take this back to the kitchen and put it on a real stove." GOOD FUCKING CHRIST, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS SHIT WORKS! Now, the whole point of his little show was to show us the "versatility" of our product. Fine. But at least KNOW the product, dammit. So, me and TJ bailed and I had a beer.
When we got back, it was supposed to be a meeting about how to improve your business, or something. I couldn't really tell you, since all the pudgy guy started off with was how we had to walk and then we had horses and then cars and then planes and then phones and then internet and then...I have no fucking clue what this had to do with selling fucking pots and pans, for christ's sake. Anyway, me and TJ started writing notes back and forth, just like Junior High. Here they are for ya:
Nix: FUCK! Just tell us how to sell pots, you fucker!
TJ: Please jam this pen in my left eye.
Nix: And then stick an Ipod in my anus.
TJ: What company is this, again?
Nix: Microsoft?
TJ: I thought it was a dairy farm.
Nix: No. It's the Food Channel and AOL.
TJ: Is this CNN live?
Nix: JESUS FUCK! Get to the fucking point!
TJ: And baby Jesus - Where's the ticker tape at the bottom of the screen?
TJ: THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART 2
NIx: Starring: A bland white blob of flesh.
TJ: He seems so passionate and he's very entertaining.
Nix: He's the scavenger in our kitchen. He eats the scraps that fall out of Jim's mouth.
TJ: There are no scraps.
And then I slept. There's this great tubular pillow that fits under my neck perfectly and actually makes it not painful to sleep. I wanna take it, but I'm sure they'll charge out the fucking ass if I do. I'll have to find one when I get back.
I miss my baby. My leaving and traveling has never been a real problem, until Jessica showed back up. We dated in High School and now we're back together. How fucked is that? It's weird. It feels like we've been together for years but it's only been months. When I'm alone it feels pretty empty wherever I am. I really hope we can make this work.
Well, that's gonna do it. It costs $1.50 for the first 30 minutes of a phone call and I have to use dial-up.
Nix says: I'm coming home, soon, baby.
We're staying at the Hyatt in Manhattan. It's quite impressive in the lobby and outside. We're right above Grand Central station at 42nd street. A Jack and coke cost me $13 at the hotel bar. Needless to say, that was the only drink I had there.
Last night we had our first awards show. As Jeff and I left his room, we were bitching about how shitty the hotel was and as we rounded the corner towards the elevator, Jeff was in the middle of saying this: "This hotel is a piece of shit." There was a flock of grandparenty types standing that turned and stared at us. We all stood in uncomfortable silence as we waited for the elelatah and I suppressed snickers. Finally, I had to say "Oh, wait. I forgot something in the room." So we go back around the corner and we both immediately burst into unctrollable laughter. Good times.
Cocktails were going on before the show and Mr. Jim Martin, the guy on our DVD was talking with our group. I said: "Jim! You're the guy that tells me about the thief in my kitchen!" And TJ hopped in and told him that while we're cutting up the food that I say I think it's Jim Martin. Thanks TJ, you fucker. But it was funny.
So, now I'm in a quandry. I've got two huge trophys and two plaques to somehow get home. I packed light, dammit! And now I have no clue how to get these fuckers back. Let's see what they're for.... Well, Hall of Fame and World League Newcomer plaques. And Newcomer giant-ass trophy and one that, well let me explain.
It's for top recruiter with the name Tony Miller on it. Tony only had one recruit and it was me, so in his speech he said that I was the one that really deserved it and handed it off to me. I talked to some people in the business and they said they'd never seen that happen. Wow. Pretty damn cool.
So, I had to give another fucking speech for my own award for Top Newcomer. While it wasn't as fun as the one I gave at the Masmas party, I got a lot of good feedback.
Today, wasn't as exciting. We started at 10 a.m. and they brought in some douche-bag celebrity chef. Now, I talked to one of the big-head-honcho guys last night and he was telling me that this chef just loved our cookware. Sounded cool. But one of the first fucking things this chef said was: "Well, we don't have an oven, so we'll have to pretend." WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???!!! I count 3 fucking ovens up there. They're called Royal Prestige cookware, you twat. Then he was making some potatoe type thing and when he went back he was all "And nothing has happened, here, so I'll have my assistant take this back to the kitchen and put it on a real stove." GOOD FUCKING CHRIST, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS SHIT WORKS! Now, the whole point of his little show was to show us the "versatility" of our product. Fine. But at least KNOW the product, dammit. So, me and TJ bailed and I had a beer.
When we got back, it was supposed to be a meeting about how to improve your business, or something. I couldn't really tell you, since all the pudgy guy started off with was how we had to walk and then we had horses and then cars and then planes and then phones and then internet and then...I have no fucking clue what this had to do with selling fucking pots and pans, for christ's sake. Anyway, me and TJ started writing notes back and forth, just like Junior High. Here they are for ya:
Nix: FUCK! Just tell us how to sell pots, you fucker!
TJ: Please jam this pen in my left eye.
Nix: And then stick an Ipod in my anus.
TJ: What company is this, again?
Nix: Microsoft?
TJ: I thought it was a dairy farm.
Nix: No. It's the Food Channel and AOL.
TJ: Is this CNN live?
Nix: JESUS FUCK! Get to the fucking point!
TJ: And baby Jesus - Where's the ticker tape at the bottom of the screen?
TJ: THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART 2
NIx: Starring: A bland white blob of flesh.
TJ: He seems so passionate and he's very entertaining.
Nix: He's the scavenger in our kitchen. He eats the scraps that fall out of Jim's mouth.
TJ: There are no scraps.
And then I slept. There's this great tubular pillow that fits under my neck perfectly and actually makes it not painful to sleep. I wanna take it, but I'm sure they'll charge out the fucking ass if I do. I'll have to find one when I get back.
I miss my baby. My leaving and traveling has never been a real problem, until Jessica showed back up. We dated in High School and now we're back together. How fucked is that? It's weird. It feels like we've been together for years but it's only been months. When I'm alone it feels pretty empty wherever I am. I really hope we can make this work.
Well, that's gonna do it. It costs $1.50 for the first 30 minutes of a phone call and I have to use dial-up.
Nix says: I'm coming home, soon, baby.
posted by NixEclips at 6:49 PM
2 Comments:
Don't you badmouth my 2nd favorite city in the nation. Fuxor.
In all seriousness, the 2 times I've been there have been for a club trip and for the CMJ Radio Convention in '03. So, most of my NY experience has been sightseeing and rocking out at NYC metal clubs.
If you get time, here are a list of places to go.
Museum of Natural History -- they have some of the coolest dinosaurs.
MOMA - Museum of Modern Art. Self-explanatory.
Go to friggin' Central Park. You will love it and you will also see several places that have been seen in such movies as Home Alone 2 : Lost in New York and many others. Try to find the Imagine mosaic in the Strawberry Fields section. Also, find the Shakespeare statue.
Ride the subway. Some of the most interesting characters are on the subway. When I went there in '03, some black guy talked to me and some of my radio station friends the entire ride about how his dog talks to him.
next time, invest in a phone card. They work wonders.
New York hates you too.
Hang in there. You'll be home soon.
-A
Yeah, don't badmouth New York, man...the Hizzy Travel Nazi says so. :P
Kidding. Kidding...
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